Major_A
LPmember
Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Housewares.
Posts: 1,378
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Post by Major_A on Sept 15, 2008 23:43:31 GMT -5
Something To Offend Nearly Everyone
Q. What's the Cuban National Anthem?
A. Row, Row, Row Your Boat
Q. Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A. A different bar
Q. What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?
A. Sum Ting Wong
Q. What do you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the Other?
A. A speech impediment
Q. What does it mean when the Post Office's flag is flying at Half-mast?
A. They're hiring
Q. Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
A. Because they're not going to work in the future either.
Q. What do you call a Mississippi farmer with a sheep under each arm?
A. A pimp.
Q. Why do Driver Education classes in redneck schools use the car
Only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
A. Because on Tuesday and Thursday the Sex Ed class uses it.
Q. What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A. The southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of The cage along with a recipe.
Q. How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the 'F' word?
A. Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell 'BINGO!'
Q. What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
Fairytale???
A. A northern fairytale begins, 'Once upon a time...'
A southern fairytale begins, 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this Crap.'
Q. Why doesn't Mexico have an Olympic team?
A. Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump or swim are already in The United States.
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BAT*21{usa}
New Member
SORRY..ALL OUTTA MERCY!!
Posts: 1,101
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Post by BAT*21{usa} on Sept 22, 2008 17:36:25 GMT -5
An old man, a boy, & a donkey were going to town.
The boy rode on the donkey & the old man walked.
As they went along th ey passed some people
who remarked it was a shame the old man
was walking and the boy was riding.
The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right,
so they changed positions.
Then, later, they passed some people who remarked,
'What a shame, he makes that little boy walk.'
So they then decided they'd both walk!
Soon they passed some more people who thought
they were stupid to walk when they had a
decent donkey to ride.
So, they both rode the donkey.
Now they passed some people
who shamed them by saying how awful to
put such a load on a poor donkey.
The boy and man figured they were probably right,
so they decide to carry the donkey.
As they crossed the bridge,
they lost their grip on the animal
and he fell into the river and drowned.
The moral of the story?
If you try to please everyone,
You might as well..
Kiss your a** goodbye!
Have A Nice Day And
Be Careful With Your Donkey
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Post by YOUR_DADDY on Sept 23, 2008 11:37:07 GMT -5
> Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on an
> airplane He turned to her and said, 'Let's talk.
> I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a
> conversation with your fellow passenger.'
>
>
>
> The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it
> slowly and said to the Obama, 'What would you like to
> talk about?'
>
>
>
> 'Oh, I don't know,' said the Obama. 'How
> about What Changes I Should Make To America?' and he
> smiles.
>
>
>
> 'OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting
> topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,
> and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet, a deer
> excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty,
> and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you
> suppose that is?'
>
>
>
> Obama, visibly surprised by the little girl's
> intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no
> idea.'
>
>
>
> To which the little girl replies; 'Do you really feel
> qualified to change America when you don't know Shit?!!
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Death's Shadow
LPmember
I have become Death. The destroyer of worlds.
Posts: 3,184 
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Post by Death's Shadow on Sept 23, 2008 13:16:38 GMT -5
LMAO.... gd one
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Marauder(CDN)
New Member
One who plunders; especially, a pirate; a corsair; a marauder; a sharper
Posts: 1,047
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Post by Marauder(CDN) on Oct 1, 2008 0:39:43 GMT -5
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a
> suitcase.
> He asks, 'What are you doing? She answers,
> 'I'm moving to New York.
> I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 a night for doing
> what I do
> for you for free.
> A little later, on her way out, the wife walks past the
> bedroom
> and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
> When she asks him where he is going, he replies,
> I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800
> a year.
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a Silly Person
New Member
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Posts: 1,370
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Post by a Silly Person on Oct 1, 2008 9:41:37 GMT -5
LOL
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a Silly Person
New Member
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Posts: 1,370
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Post by a Silly Person on Oct 1, 2008 19:38:35 GMT -5
Didn't know if I should have put this in Current Events or here.
;D
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Major_A
LPmember
Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Housewares.
Posts: 1,378
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Post by Major_A on Oct 2, 2008 1:45:52 GMT -5
I just emailed that to everyone!!!!LMAO
I titled it..Even kids know about politics, and when to be afraid!
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RedRock
LPmember
Never ask what kind of computer a person uses--if it's a Mac, he'll say; if not, why embarrass him?
Posts: 4,972
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Post by RedRock on Oct 2, 2008 18:05:47 GMT -5
Huh?  ?? Must be British humor. |
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Post by YOUR_DADDY on Oct 2, 2008 21:40:07 GMT -5
While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, who's hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama and his bid to be our president.
The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'Post Turtle''.
Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.
The old rancher said, 'When your driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'.
The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, and he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there to begin with'.
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Major_A
LPmember
Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Housewares.
Posts: 1,378
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Post by Major_A on Oct 7, 2008 12:20:30 GMT -5
A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. 'Human Beings are the only animals that stutter', she says. A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered', She volunteered. The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident. 'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!' 'That must've been scary', said the teacher. 'It sure was', said the little girl. 'My kitty raised his back, went 'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff'...And before he could say 'F  k!', the Rottweiler ate him!' The teacher wet her pants laughing....... |
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Death's Shadow
LPmember
I have become Death. The destroyer of worlds.
Posts: 3,184
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Post by Death's Shadow on Oct 7, 2008 14:05:52 GMT -5
Have seen that one... And is still very funny. LOL
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Woody
New Member
Better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6
Posts: 488
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Post by Woody on Oct 7, 2008 17:37:28 GMT -5
A husband and wife were sitting watching TV when he turned to his wife
and said, "Honey, tell me something that will make me happy and sad
all at same time
>
>
>
>
>
>
> She said:
> You have the biggest dick of all your friends."
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Major_A
LPmember
Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Housewares.
Posts: 1,378
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Post by Major_A on Oct 7, 2008 22:25:34 GMT -5
LOLOL
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a Silly Person
New Member
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Posts: 1,370
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Post by a Silly Person on Oct 8, 2008 0:20:29 GMT -5
'Fffff, Fffff, Fffff' funny stuff!
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??