Joke of the day. Part 2

[a Silly Person]

That is just plain ridiculous! They are married, and she is comatose. Which means she can't nag or complain about a single solitary thing.

I think I had that very scenario on my Christmas Wish-List to Santa some time ago.

That Preacher story reminds me of the "If a tree falls in a forest..." one.

[BAT*21{usa}]

Zipper



As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.



Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver , she

reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg She tried to take the step, only To discover that she couldn't.



So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted

the s tep.



Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg With a

little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a lit tle

More and again was unable to take the step.



About this time, a large Kentuckian who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.



She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'



The Kentuckian smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends !

[BAT*21{usa}]

Why Some Men Have Dogs And Not Wives:




1. The later you are, the more excited your dogs are to see you.



2. Dogs don't notice if you call them by another dog's name.



3. Dogs like it if you leave a lot of things on the floor.



4. A dog's parents never visit.



5. Dogs agree that you have to raise your voice to get your point across.



6. You never have to wait for a dog; they're ready to go 24 hours a day.



7. Dogs find you amusing when you're drunk.



8. Dogs like to go hunting and fishing.



9. A dog will not wake you up at night to ask, "If I died, would you get another dog?"




10. If a dog has babies, you can put an ad in the paper and give them away.



11. A dog will let you put a studded collar on it without calling you a pervert.



12. If a dog smells another dog on you, they don't get mad. They just think it's interesting.



13. Dogs like to ride in the back of a pickup truck.



And last, but not least:



14. If a dog leaves, it won't take half of your stuff.

[BAT*21{usa}]

how to annoy your coworkers

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective
if your boss is of a different gender than you.

3. Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by
these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm
going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha."

4. Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what
you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the
bathroom."

5. Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as much
since you did this.

6. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid.
Call everyone Madge.

7. Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or
her if they want fries with that.

8. Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get
coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole
way.

9. Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people
you're waiting for your document.

10. Send e-mail back and forth to yourself engaging yourself in an
intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to
settle the disagreement.

11. Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has
withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.

12. Put your trash can on your desk. Label it "IN."

13. Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.

14. Send e-mail messages saying there's free pizza or donuts or cake
in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that
they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, "Oh you've got
to be faster than that."

15. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized
chair-dancing.

[BAT*21{usa}]

saw this on the yahoo homepage this morning www.yahoo.com/s/984697 LOL

[Death's Shadow]

LOL that should be on the fail.org page.. Good one.

[a Silly Person]

Thanks Bat! It is now midnight and I stayed up too late again watching those dang videos, one after another.

[Lamron]

[Death's Shadow]

LMAO Lam

[Major_A]

Nov 3, 2008 23:57:10 GMT -5 BAT*21{usa} said:

how to annoy your coworkers

LMAO HAHAHA

[BAT*21{usa}]

THE RULES OF RURAL PENNSYLVANIA ARE AS FOLLOWS:
LISTEN UP CITY SLICKERS!!!!
1. PULL YOUR DROOPY PANTS UP. YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.
2. TURN YOUR CAP RIGHT, YOUR HEAD ISN'T CROOKED.
3. LET'S GET THIS STRAIGHT; IT'S CALLED A 'DIRT ROAD.' NO MATTER HOW SLOW YOU DRIVE, YOU'RE GOING TO GET DUST ON YOUR LEXUS. DRIVE IT OR GET OUT OF THE WAY.
4. THEY ARE CATTLE. THEY'RE LIVE STEAKS. THAT'S WHY
THEY SMELL F UNNY TO YOU, GET OVER IT. DON'T LIKE IT? I-80
GOES EAST AND WEST, I-81 GOES NORTH AND SOUTH. PICK ONE.
5. SO YOU HAVE A $60,000 CAR. WE'RE IMPRESSED. WE HAVE $150,000 CORN PICKERS AND HAY BALERS THAT ARE DRIVEN ONLY 3 WEEKS A YEAR.
6. SO EVERY PERSON IN RURAL PENNSYLVANIA WAVES. WE THINK OF IT AS BEING FRIENDLY. TRY TO UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT.
7. IF THAT CELL PHONE RINGS WHILE AN 8-POINT BUCK AND 3 DOES ARE COMING IN, WE WILL SHOOT IT OUT OF YOUR HAND. YOU BETTER HOPE YOU DON'T HAVE IT UP TO YOUR EAR AT THE TIME.
8. YEAH, WE EAT TATERS & GRAVY, BEANS & CORNBREAD. WE
FRY OUR FISH AFTER 'CATCH IN' 'EM'. YOU REALLY WANT SUSHI & CAVIAR? IT'S AVAILABLE AT THE CORNER BAIT SHOP.
9. THE 'OPENER' REFERS TO THE FIRST DAY OF DEER SEASON. IT'S A RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY HELD ON THE MONDAY AFTER THANKSGIVING.
10. WE OPEN DOORS FOR WOMEN. THAT IS APPLIED TO ALL WOMEN, REGARDLESS OF AGE.
11. NO, THERE'S NO 'VEGETARIAN SPECIAL' ON THE MENU.ORDER STEAK.OR YOU CAN ORDER THE CHEF'S SALAD AND PICK OFF THE 2 POUNDS OF HAM & TURKEY.
12. WHEN WE FILL OUT A TABLE, THERE ARE THREE MAIN DISHES: MEATS (INCLUDES FISH), VEGETABLES, AND BREADS.WE USE FOUR SPICES: SALT, PEPPER, HOT SAUCE AND KETCHUP...OH, YEAH...WE DON'T CARE WHAT YOU FOLKS IN JERSEY CALLTHAT STUFF YOU EAT...IT AIN'T REAL CHILI !!!!
13. YOU BRING 'COKE' INTO MY HOUSE, IT BETTER BE BROWN, WET AND SERVED OVER ICE.
14. YOU BRING 'MARY JANE' INTO MY HOUSE, SHE BETTER BE CUTE, KNOW HOW TO SHOOT, AND HAVE LONG HAIR.
15. COLLEGE AND HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL IS AS IMPORTANT HERE AS THE EAGLES AND THE STEELERS, AND A DANG SITE MORE FUN TO WATCH.
16. YEAH, WE HAVE GOLF COURSES. BUT DON'T HIT THE WATER
HAZARDS ~~ IT SPOOKS THE FISH.
17. COLLEGES? WE HAVE THEM ALL OVER. WE HAVE STATE UNIVERSITIES, COMMUNITY COLLEGES, AND VO-TECHS. THEY COME OUTTA THERE WITH AN EDUCATION PLUS A LOVE FOR GOD AND COUNTRY, AND THEY STILL WAVE AT EVERYBODY WHEN THEY COME FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
18. WE HAVE A WHOLE TON OF FOLKS IN THE ARMY, NAVY, AIR FORCE, AND MARINES. SO DON'T MESS WITH US. IF YOU DO, YOU WILL GET WHIPPED BY THE BEST.
19. TURN DOWN THAT BLASTED CAR STEREO! THAT THUMPITY-THUMP CRAP AIN'T MUSIC, ANYWAY. WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT ANYMORE THAN WE WANT TO SEE YOUR BOXERS. REFER BACK TO #1.
20. 4 INCHES ISN'T A BLIZZARD ~~ T'S A FLURRY. DRIVE LIKE YOU GOT SOME SENSE IN IT, AND DON'T TAKE ALL OUR BREAD,MILK, AND TOILET PAPER FROM THE GROCERY STORES. THIS AIN'T ALASKA, WORST CASE YOU MAY HAVE TO LIVE A WHOLE DAY WITHOUT CROISSANTS. THE PICKUPS WITH SNOW BLADES WILL HAVE YOU OUT THE NEXT DAY.

[BAT*21{usa}]

LOL

[Lamron]

[BAT*21{usa}]

LOL just got this .. the email was titled mommy at work at home depot selling a shovel lol always check your childs homework..

[a Silly Person]

Nov 20, 2008 7:40:05 GMT -5 Lamron said:

Wait a mnute!

Who is getting the detention?!?

That teacher should be sent back to grade school, not as a tacher but as a student.

LOL