Joke of the day

[Marauder(CDN)]

I said that figuring that you would post back...I just had to...lol

[daffy_duck]

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Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions. One said, 'I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best.' 'I don't think I have ever heard of that one,' said the

other cowboy.'What is it?' 'Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind. Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, Boy, these feel just like your sister's. 'Then you try and stay on for 8 seconds.'

[Death's Shadow]

lol daffy.. I have heard a few variations on this joke. They all are pretty funny.. hard to clean up the language though to make it postable so I will let it be

[BigDaddy]

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age, she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat, and was very much in favor of the redistribution of wealth. She was deeply ashamed that her
father was a rather staunch Republican, a feeling she openly expressed.

Based on the lectures that she had participated in, and the occasional chat with a professor, she felt that her father had for years harbored an evil, selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his.

One day she was challenging her father on his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she
indicated so to her father.

He responded by asking her how she was doing in school. Taken aback, she answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain, insisting that she was taking a very difficult course load and was constantly studying, which left her no time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend, and didn’t really have many college friends because she spent all her time studying.

Her father listened and then asked, “How is your friend Audrey doing?”

She replied, “Audrey is barely getting by. All she takes are easy classes, she never studies, and she barely has a 2.0 GPA . She is so popular on campus, college for her is a blast. She’s always invited to all the parties, and lots of
times she doesn’t even show up for classes because she’s too hung over.”

Her wise father asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your 4.0 GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0. That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.”

The daughter, visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion, angrily fired back, “That wouldn’t be fair! I have worked really hard for my grades! I’ve invested a lot of time, and a lot of hard work! Audrey has done next to nothing toward her degree. She played while I worked my tail off!”

The father slowly smiled, winked and said gently, “Welcome to the Republican Party.”

[BigDaddy]

Q. How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A. There’s nothing funny about feminism

[BigDaddy]

ONE MORE!!!!


A blonde calls her boyfriend and says: “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”

Her boyfriend asks: “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”

The blonde says: “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then turns to her and says:

“First of all, no matter what we do, we’re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger.”

He holds her hand softly, leads her to a chair and says: “Secondly, I’d advise you to relax. Let’s have a cup of coffee, and then ….”

he sighs…

….”let’s put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.”

[a Silly Person]

Hey Daffy and Big D, those were great ones!

Being that I have a Father who seems to have heard every joke created by mankind, it is very difficult to catch him off-guard.

I think we did it with those two jokes!

Thanks

[a Silly Person]

A dusty old Cowboy rides into town and right up to the hitching-post in front of the old saloon.

He finished lashing his horse to the post and then walked around to the rear of his horse, lifted the horse's tail and kissed the horse right on the rear-end.

A passer-by noticed this and couldn't help but ask the Cowboy what in the heck he was doing?

The Cowboy replied that he had chapped lips.

The Passer-by then asked the Cowboy if that helped cure chapped lips.

The Old Cowboy, without hesitating said, "Not really, but it keeps me from licking them."

[RedRock]

That frosted flakes blonde joke is a totally new one to me!!!! Nice one!!! Even better than the old standby of "doughnut seeds" (cheerios).

[BigDaddy]

Dallas ATC:
“Tower to Saudi Air 911–You are cleared to land southbound on runway 9.”

Saudi Air:
“Thank you Dallas ATC. Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel’s runway 9S - Allah be Praised !!”

Dallas ATC
“Tower to Iran Air 711–You are cleared to land northbound on runway 27.”

Iran Air:
“Thank you Dallas ATC. We are cleared to land on infidel’s runway 27N. - Allah is Great !!”

Pause: Static………….

Saudi Air:
“DALLAS ATC! DALLAS ATC!!!”

Dallas ATC:
“Go ahead Saudi Air 911?”

Saudi Air:
“YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS!!!
WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE!!!
INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE!!!

Dallas ATC:
Well bless your hearts. Y’all be careful now and tell Allah “hey” for us — ya hear?

[BigDaddy]

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, “Michael, if you were on a date, having supper with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?”

“Just a minute, I have to go piss.”

“That would be rude and impolite!!! What about you John, how would you say it?”

“I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I’ll be right back.”

“That’s better, but it’s still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table. And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners?”

“I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you’ll get to meet after supper

[Gen.Savahoe]

;D Now those are some good ones...lol

[a Silly Person]

Keep them coming Big D!!

Laughing is one of my favorite activities!

[a Silly Person]

A young cowboy walks into the town cafe.

He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded, staring blankly at a full bowl of chili.

After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at
it, the young cowboy bravely asked the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward
the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead."

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning in it with delight.

He gets nearly down to the bottom
and notices a dead mouse in the chili.

The sight was shocking and he immediately barfs up the chili into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says,

"Yep, that's as far as I got, too."

[Death's Shadow]

ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGG and I just ate Chinese food before reading this too...