Joke of the day

[WidowMaker]

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."
Recently General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement: "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"
Not only that, but....
Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.
You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought "CarXP". But, then you would have to buy more seats.
Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.
The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much slower.
The oil, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.
New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.
The airbag system would say "are you sure?" before going off.
If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.

[WidowMaker]

You know it is time to reassess your relationship with
your computer when....

1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and
stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if
you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

3. You decide to stay in college for an additional year or two, just
for the free internet access.

4. You laugh at people with 28.8 modems.

5. You start using smileys :-) in your snail mail.

6. You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word
processor.com

7. You can't correspond with your mother because she doesn't have a
computer.

8. When your email box shows "no new messages" and you feel really
depressed.

9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they
have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

10. You move into a new house and you decide to "Netscape" before you
landscape.

11. Your family always knows where you are.

12. In real life conversations, you don't laugh, you just say "LOL, LOL".

13. After reading this message, you immediately forward it to a friend!

[Urumii-Previously ThePresident]

HAHA, I like the first one. It was very clevor.

I don't like the second one because some things apply to me.

Keep em coming widow, I like jokes like that.

[Lamron]

1. You wake up at 4 O'clock in the morning to go to the bathroom and
stop to check your email on the way back to bed.

Uh....doesn't everyone?

2. You turn off your computer and get an awful empty feeling, as if
you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

If I ever wanted to turn off my computer, I'd have to Google a tutorial. My computers get left on for years.

9. You don't know the gender of your three closest friends because they
have nondescript screen name and you never bothered to ask.

LOL LOL !!

[A_ROOKIE]

If Bill Gates designed a car you would have to change the radio station, turn on the turn signal, and hold the cigarette lighter in, ALL at the same time to get the car to start.

[Marauder(CDN)]

A Texas woodpecker and a Louisiana woodpecker were arguing about which state had the hardest trees.
The Texas woodpecker said that they had a tree in Texas that no woodpecker could peck.
The Louisiana woodpecker accepted the challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem.
The Texas woodpecker was in awe.
The Louisiana woodpecker then challenged the Texas woodpecker to peck a tree in Louisiana that was absolutely un-peckable.
The Texas woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge.
After flying to Louisiana, the Texas woodpecker successfully pecked the tree with no problem.
The two woodpeckers were now confused.
How is it that the Louisiana woodpecker was able to peck the Texas tree and the Texas woodpecker was able to peck the Louisiana tree when neither one was able to peck the tree in their own state?
After much woodpecker-pondering, they both came to the sameconclusion:




Your pecker is always harder when you're away from home.

[Marauder(CDN)]

[BAT*21{usa}]

A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake.He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.After sitting there for awhile, He yells to the waiter"Hey you want to hear a Blonde joke?"

The bar immediately falls silent.in a very deep husky voice the woman next to him says ."Before u tell that joke sir i think it's only fair-given you are blind- that you should know five things:

One, the bartender is a Blonde girl with a baseball bat.


Two, the bouncer is a Blonde girl.


Three, I'm a 6 foot. tall 175 pound, Blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

Four,the woman sitting next 2 me is Blonde and a professional weight lifter.


Five, the lady 2 your right is Blonde and a professional wrestler.


Now think about it seriously mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?


The blind man thinks for a second,shakes his head and mutters, "NO!... not if i'm gonna have to explain it five times

[Urumii-Previously ThePresident]

HAHAHAHA!!!!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!! That was one of the better blonde jokes I've heard in awhile.

[Lamron]

That was pretty funny, but it'd be even funnier if it was written without numbers in the place of words and with proper capitalizations and punctuation.

[WidowMaker]

Charlie took his girl friend to her first football game. They had really good seats, right above their team's dugout. At the end of the game, Charlie asked her if she liked it. "Yeah, it was great," she said. "I mean, with all the tight pants and stuff. I just don't get why all the fuss about a quarter!" Charlie is confused. "At the beginning of the game," she explained, "I saw the two guys flip a quarter. Then the rest of the game, all they said was: Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback! Hello! It's only 25 cents!"

[Urumii-Previously ThePresident]

That was funny, but football games don't have dugouts, they have benches. The best seats would be either on the 50 yard line, or behind an endzone.

[Urumii-Previously ThePresident]

Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed a man on his client's jury to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, as opposed to the charge of murder which was brought by the state.

The jury was out for several days before they returned with the manslaughter verdict. When Murphy paid the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a very difficult time convincing the other jurors to see things his way.

"Sure did," the juror replied, "the other eleven wanted to acquit."

[Urumii-Previously ThePresident]

BigDaddy, this one is for you ;D


A big-city counterfeiter decided the best place to pass off his phony $18 bills would be in some small hick Southern town. So, he got into his new wheels and off he went. He found a tiny town with a single store.

He entered the store and handed one of the bogus bills to the man behind the counter. "Can you change this for me, please?" he said. The store clerk looked at the $18 bill a short time, then smiled and told the man, "Sure, Mister. Ya'll want 2 nines or 3 sixes?"

[BigDaddy]

That is funny. Heard that one before.