|
|
Post by Urumii-Previously ThePresident on Oct 16, 2006 22:57:05 GMT -5
I don't know why it has to be programmers, but OK.
Two computer programmers are driving on a highway. They switch on the radio and there is a warning: There is a car driving on highway 75 against the traffic. The programmer near the driver looks at him and says: One? There are hundreds of them.
--------------
At a recent software engineering management course in the US, the participants were given an awkward question to answer. "If you had just boarded an airliner and discovered that your team of programmers had been responsible for the flight control software how many of you would disembark immediately?"
Among the ensuing forest of raised hands, only one man sat motionless. When asked what he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay onboard.
With his team's software, he said, the plane was unlikely to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone take off.
|
|
|
|
Post by WidowMaker on Oct 17, 2006 9:16:31 GMT -5
Bill Clinton, Bill Gates and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?"
Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more Freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."
God then addresses Bill Clinton: "Bill, what do you believe in?"
Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain."
God thinks for a second and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right."
God then addresses Bill Gates: "Bill Gates, what do you believe in?"
Bill Gates says, "I believe you're in my chair."
|
|
|
|
Post by Urumii-Previously ThePresident on Oct 17, 2006 10:05:09 GMT -5
LOL, that was the one I was gonna put on today. I guess I'll have to get another one.
|
|
|
|
Post by WidowMaker on Oct 17, 2006 18:09:12 GMT -5
LOL!!!! Gotta be quick!!! 
|
|
|
|
Post by Urumii-Previously ThePresident on Oct 17, 2006 20:50:22 GMT -5
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).
Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0 and it's a memory hogger, has taken all his space; and Wife1.0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn't ask for them, Wife1.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw.
Some features I'd like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4.0. - A "Don't remind me again" button - Minimize button - Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects)
I tried running Girlfriend 2.0 with Girlfriend 1.0 still installed, they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1.0 but it didn't have an uninstall program. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory.
Another thing that sucks -- in all versions of Girlfriend that I've used is that it is totally "object orientated" and only supports hardware with gold plated contacts.
***** BUG WARNING ******** Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.1 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.
|
|
BAT*21{usa}
New Member
SORRY..ALL OUTTA MERCY!!
Posts: 1,101
|
Post by BAT*21{usa} on Oct 17, 2006 21:01:39 GMT -5
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake.He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee.After sitting there for awhile, He yells to the waiter"Hey you want to hear a Blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls silent.in a very deep husky voice the woman next to him says ."Before u tell that joke sir i think it's only fair-given you are blind- that you should know five things: One, the bartender is a Blonde girl with a baseball bat. Two, the bouncer is a Blonde girl. Three, I'm a 6 foot. tall 175 pound, Blonde woman with a black belt in karate. Four,the woman sitting next to me is Blonde and a professional weight lifter. Five, the lady to your right is Blonde and a professional wrestler. Now think about it seriously mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke? The blind man thinks for a second,shakes his head and mutters, "NO!... not if i'm gonna have to explain it five times repaired lol |
|
|
|
Post by Lost_Child on Oct 20, 2006 22:47:06 GMT -5
Little Voice
A man was mowing his lawn when he heard his neighbor, who happened to be a blonde, come out of her house. She opened her mailbox, looked inside and slammed it shut. She stomped her foot and went back inside. The man thought ''how weird.''
A few minutes passed and sure enough, the blonde came out of her house again, checked her mail box, stamped her foot and went back inside. The man stopped mowing and checked her mailbox to see what was so wrong with it. After seeing nothing, he went back to mowing just shrugging his shoulders.
As soon as he heard her coming out again, he shut off his mowing machine and went up to her. ''What in the world are you doing, coming out here every five minutes?''
The blonde looked up at the man and said, ''Well, you see, there's this little voice in my house that keeps on saying, 'You've got mail,' but when I come out here to check, I don't have any.''
|
|
RedRock
LPmember
Never ask what kind of computer a person uses--if it's a Mac, he'll say; if not, why embarrass him?
Posts: 4,972
|
Post by RedRock on Oct 21, 2006 11:50:11 GMT -5
A blind man wanders into an all girls biker bar by mistake..........NO!... not if i'm gonna have to explain it five times Good one, Bat. But your avatar saying, A.S.N.F., what does it mean? Google results: Acronym Definition ASNF A Son Never Forgets ASNF Afghan Special Narcotics Force ASNF Apache-Sitgreaves National Forest |
|
Lamron
Benevolent Dictator
Posts: 5,225
|
Post by Lamron on Oct 21, 2006 13:34:48 GMT -5
AIGAD Sings Naked Frequently
Apple System-user Needs Friends
Arnold Says: No Flatulence!
Always Stay Near Food
|
|
AIGAD
LPmember
Posts: 404
|
Post by AIGAD on Oct 21, 2006 14:28:18 GMT -5
AIGAD Sings Naked Frequently As a matter of fact... lol How did you know?! |
|
|
|
Post by Lost_Child on Oct 21, 2006 20:41:33 GMT -5
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man
thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take
that chance."
|
|
BAT*21{usa}
New Member
SORRY..ALL OUTTA MERCY!!
Posts: 1,101
|
Post by BAT*21{usa} on Oct 21, 2006 21:14:23 GMT -5
you got it RED. it is from Men OF Honor. the story of the first African-American navy diver.. when Master Chief Carl Brashear first left for the navy his father gave him his homemade wooden radio with the letters ASNF carved into one end he didn't know what it meant.later the instructor of the diving school Master Chief Leslie W. {billy}Sunday saw the letters after he had smashed it . he carved A Son Never Forgets below the letters.it is a true story . i don't want to give the whole movie away. watch it sometime. it is excellent. i was wondering how long it would take someone to ask me about it  |
|
BAT*21{usa}
New Member
SORRY..ALL OUTTA MERCY!!
Posts: 1,101
|
Post by BAT*21{usa} on Oct 21, 2006 21:29:09 GMT -5
AIGAD Sings Naked Frequently [ wrong and EEEEWWWW!!  |
|
BAT*21{usa}
New Member
SORRY..ALL OUTTA MERCY!!
Posts: 1,101
|
Post by BAT*21{usa} on Oct 21, 2006 21:32:43 GMT -5
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance." i like this one . the one i heard substitute mother-in - law for wife LOL |
|
RedRock
LPmember
Never ask what kind of computer a person uses--if it's a Mac, he'll say; if not, why embarrass him?
Posts: 4,972
|
Post by RedRock on Oct 22, 2006 7:23:11 GMT -5
Bat, I've been seeing your MEN OF HONOR comments at the bottom of your posts for quite some time but just didn't think to ask until the ASNF showed up. Somewhere I had heard that ASNF before (?Paul Harvey) but thought I'd ask and see if it was related to the MEN comments. So, you just like the story or movie, or are you an ex-navy diver, or is there some reason it just appeals to you? Note that Aigad has a frogman skin and avatar but isn't a diver, nor does he play one on TV!!!
|
|
