SPORTS SMAK!!!!!
Sept 22, 2007 0:16:18 GMT -5
Post by a Silly Person on Sept 22, 2007 0:16:18 GMT -5
Here is some great Satire writing regarding the Bengals-Browns game last week.
CINCINNATI--Following a 51-45 loss to the Cleveland Browns on Sunday, the Cincinnati Bengals vowed to score more points and “get their offensive rhythm going” in order to avoid falling short again next week.
Quarterback Carson Palmer, who threw six touchdown passes, admitted that 45 points is “not going to get it done” if they want to reach the playoffs this year.
“We’ve got to do better. I’ve got to do better,” said Palmer, who threw for 401 yards against the Browns defense. “Right now there is just no rhythm to what we’re doing. It’s time for everybody on this offense to look in the mirror. Putting up 45 against a division rival is not going to get it done. We’ve got to average at least 50 to stay in these games. And we’ve got to be accountable, because that’s helpful for some reason.”
Palmer acknowledged that the Browns defense played well, but felt his team suffered from a lack of execution.
“You have to tip your hat to the Browns defense,” he said. “They played extremely well. That being said, I think the biggest problem was our execution. Even though I threw six touchdown passes, I still feel like I had a sub par performance. Well, I definitely had a sub par performance because we lost. But don’t give up on this offense yet. We’ll turn it up eventually and score 50, 60 points a game and then maybe start eking out a few w’s.”
The Bengals defense allowed 51 points to the Browns, but Palmer would not use that as an excuse for the embarrassing loss.
“We let up 51 points. So what? We can’t use that as an excuse,” Palmer said. “The guys on that defense are busting their asses out there. I thought they actually made some huge plays to prevent it from getting really out of hand. They’re only serious flaw, if you can call it that, is that they’re a little confused out there. That’s not their fault. It’s the coaching staff’s fault. Actually, they’re confused, too, so maybe it’s the front office’s fault.”
Despite the lackluster performance of the offense, the defensive players refused to call them out after the game. Instead, they took the high road and claimed that both units were equally responsible for the loss.
“You can’t lay it on the offense. They’re doing the best they can out there,” said cornerback Johnathan Joseph. “Maybe they’re pressing a little, but that’s natural when you’re under so much pressure to perform. Of course, we could have let up four or five fewer touchdowns and probably taken some pressure off them. Hopefully we’ll be able to do that next week. Who are we playing? Seattle? Oh. Those guys have a good offense. Our only hope is that they’re involved in some sort of point shaving scandal.”
Prior to Sunday’s game, the Browns had been 2-12 against AFC North opponents under Romeo Crennel, a fact that made the loss even more embarrassing for the Bengals.
“These guys just do not win division games,” said receiver Chad Johnson, who had 11 catches for 209 yards. “They’ve been the whipping boys for the past few years, so for us to come in here and lay an egg against them is pretty embarrassing. And the sad part is that the defense put us in a position to win it in the final seconds. Well we all know whose fault this loss is: Carson Palmer. If he didn’t blow it on that last play we would have won that game. I’m surprised the defense is even talking to him. It just shows what professionals they are.”
Sometimes these satire write-ups hit pretty close to home regarding certain NFL receivers' absurd post-game statements.
CINCINNATI--Following a 51-45 loss to the Cleveland Browns on Sunday, the Cincinnati Bengals vowed to score more points and “get their offensive rhythm going” in order to avoid falling short again next week.
Quarterback Carson Palmer, who threw six touchdown passes, admitted that 45 points is “not going to get it done” if they want to reach the playoffs this year.
“We’ve got to do better. I’ve got to do better,” said Palmer, who threw for 401 yards against the Browns defense. “Right now there is just no rhythm to what we’re doing. It’s time for everybody on this offense to look in the mirror. Putting up 45 against a division rival is not going to get it done. We’ve got to average at least 50 to stay in these games. And we’ve got to be accountable, because that’s helpful for some reason.”
Palmer acknowledged that the Browns defense played well, but felt his team suffered from a lack of execution.
“You have to tip your hat to the Browns defense,” he said. “They played extremely well. That being said, I think the biggest problem was our execution. Even though I threw six touchdown passes, I still feel like I had a sub par performance. Well, I definitely had a sub par performance because we lost. But don’t give up on this offense yet. We’ll turn it up eventually and score 50, 60 points a game and then maybe start eking out a few w’s.”
The Bengals defense allowed 51 points to the Browns, but Palmer would not use that as an excuse for the embarrassing loss.
“We let up 51 points. So what? We can’t use that as an excuse,” Palmer said. “The guys on that defense are busting their asses out there. I thought they actually made some huge plays to prevent it from getting really out of hand. They’re only serious flaw, if you can call it that, is that they’re a little confused out there. That’s not their fault. It’s the coaching staff’s fault. Actually, they’re confused, too, so maybe it’s the front office’s fault.”
Despite the lackluster performance of the offense, the defensive players refused to call them out after the game. Instead, they took the high road and claimed that both units were equally responsible for the loss.
“You can’t lay it on the offense. They’re doing the best they can out there,” said cornerback Johnathan Joseph. “Maybe they’re pressing a little, but that’s natural when you’re under so much pressure to perform. Of course, we could have let up four or five fewer touchdowns and probably taken some pressure off them. Hopefully we’ll be able to do that next week. Who are we playing? Seattle? Oh. Those guys have a good offense. Our only hope is that they’re involved in some sort of point shaving scandal.”
Prior to Sunday’s game, the Browns had been 2-12 against AFC North opponents under Romeo Crennel, a fact that made the loss even more embarrassing for the Bengals.
“These guys just do not win division games,” said receiver Chad Johnson, who had 11 catches for 209 yards. “They’ve been the whipping boys for the past few years, so for us to come in here and lay an egg against them is pretty embarrassing. And the sad part is that the defense put us in a position to win it in the final seconds. Well we all know whose fault this loss is: Carson Palmer. If he didn’t blow it on that last play we would have won that game. I’m surprised the defense is even talking to him. It just shows what professionals they are.”
Sometimes these satire write-ups hit pretty close to home regarding certain NFL receivers' absurd post-game statements.
