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Post by Lost_Child on Oct 22, 2006 17:47:44 GMT -5
For Redrock ! ;D
Helisoft
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
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RedRock
LPmember
Never ask what kind of computer a person uses--if it's a Mac, he'll say; if not, why embarrass him?
Posts: 4,972
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Post by RedRock on Oct 22, 2006 21:33:16 GMT -5
Thank you!!!
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popeye
New Member
think ONCE,think TWICE,think-BIKE!
Posts: 684
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Post by popeye on Oct 23, 2006 1:14:43 GMT -5
two strangers,a man & woman,found themselves sharing the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train..though embarrased,they we're both so tired, they fell asleep very quickly.he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.at 1am,the man gently woke the woman,"i'm sorry to bother you,but would you pass me a blanket?,i'm so cold"..."i have a better idea" she said,"just for tonite,we'll pretend we're married!" wow,thats a good idea!" he said.."good",she replied "get your own f###ing blanket!" after a moment of silence,he farted! : )
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BAT*21{usa}
New Member
SORRY..ALL OUTTA MERCY!!
Posts: 1,101
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Post by BAT*21{usa} on Oct 23, 2006 9:31:45 GMT -5
Bat, I've been seeing your MEN OF HONOR comments at the bottom of your posts for quite some time but just didn't think to ask until the ASNF showed up. Somewhere I had heard that ASNF before (?Paul Harvey) but thought I'd ask and see if it was related to the MEN comments. So, you just like the story or movie, or are you an ex-navy diver, or is there some reason it just appeals to you? Note that Aigad has a frogman skin and avatar but isn't a diver, nor does he play one on TV!!! no i've never been in the military. but i have relatives and friends that have been. i have the utmost respect and admiration for people that are .especially those that have been or are in a war. not only because my uncle was in the army and fought in Korea.i also admire people that overcome any kind of prejudice. don't want to preach on the joke thread LOL.could probably explain it better on TS some time.by the way is paul harvey still on ? i used to listen to him at my grandparents as a kid |
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RedRock
LPmember
Never ask what kind of computer a person uses--if it's a Mac, he'll say; if not, why embarrass him?
Posts: 4,972
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Post by RedRock on Oct 23, 2006 11:41:47 GMT -5
by the way is paul harvey still on ? i used to listen to him at my grandparents as a kid No, I think his son is doing it now. My sense is it's not as good as before and is on less channels and less often. |
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BAT*21{usa}
New Member
SORRY..ALL OUTTA MERCY!!
Posts: 1,101
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Post by BAT*21{usa} on Oct 23, 2006 14:15:22 GMT -5
to bad ,i know obviously he would get to the point of retiring but i would think the would play his old shows at some point for his fans.
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RedRock
LPmember
Never ask what kind of computer a person uses--if it's a Mac, he'll say; if not, why embarrass him?
Posts: 4,972
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Post by RedRock on Oct 23, 2006 16:34:28 GMT -5
Uh huh, I agree, but now you know the rest of the story!
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Post by daffy_duck on Oct 24, 2006 11:58:55 GMT -5
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
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popeye
New Member
think ONCE,think TWICE,think-BIKE!
Posts: 684
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Post by popeye on Oct 24, 2006 12:46:48 GMT -5
NICE-ONE DD.....hehehehe! pop
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popeye
New Member
think ONCE,think TWICE,think-BIKE!
Posts: 684
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Post by popeye on Oct 24, 2006 12:51:13 GMT -5
i think the telephone company has got my number mixed-up with the sea rescue services! every time i get home early,the fone rings and a male voice asks..."is the coast clear!" he-he : )
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Post by Lost_Child on Feb 24, 2007 19:46:05 GMT -5
Choosing a Profession ;D
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table three objects:
- a Bible,
- a silver dollar
- a bottle of whiskey.
"I'll just hide behind the door," the old preacher said to himself, "and
when he comes home from school this afternoon, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and
what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to
be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the
bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunkard, and, Lord, what a shame that would be."
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. He tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink.
"Lord have mercy," the old preacher whispered, "he's gonna be a
Congressman!"
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A_ROOKIE
New Member
When the pain of where you are becomes greater then the fear of where your going, you'll move.
Posts: 716
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Post by A_ROOKIE on Feb 25, 2007 9:21:01 GMT -5
Why can boys run faster then girls???
ball bearings and a gearshift ;D ;D
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Nutman
New Member
By the time you see me it's to late.
Posts: 85
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Post by Nutman on Feb 26, 2007 0:03:23 GMT -5
There are 2 goldfish in a tank. 1 fish says to the other fish, " do you know how to drive this thing?"
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Marauder(CDN)
New Member
One who plunders; especially, a pirate; a corsair; a marauder; a sharper
Posts: 1,047
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Post by Marauder(CDN) on Feb 26, 2007 6:12:45 GMT -5
Sex Frog
A lovely and very sexy blonde goes into her local pet shop in search of an
exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs.
The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions."
The blonde excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She
whispers sweetly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one"
As the man packages the frog, he says to her, "Just follow the
instructions." The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.
As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions
and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified:
1. Put nice satin sheets on your bed.
2. Take a nice warm bubble bath.
3. Splash on some nice perfume.
4. Slip into a sexy sheer nightie.
5. Light a set of candles by the bed.
6. Put on a CD with some very soft classical music playing quietly in the background.
7. Slip into bed and place the frog beside you. The frog will do what
he has been trained to do.
She quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise, nothing
happens. The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She
re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says,
"If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store and speak
to the man that sold the frog to you". So the blonde calls the pet shop.
The man says, "I'll be right over." Within minutes, the man is ringing her
doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, "I've done everything
according to the instructions, and that damn frog just sits there."
The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares into its eyes and
says very sternly: "Look ... I'm only going to show you how to do this one
more time!"
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Post by psyckos on Feb 26, 2007 9:17:45 GMT -5
Sex Frog A lovely and very sexy blonde goes into her local pet shop in search of an exotic pet. As she looks about the store, she notices a box full of frogs. The sign says: "Sex Frogs! Only $20 each! Comes with complete instructions." The blonde excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers sweetly to the man behind the counter, "I'll take one" As the man packages the frog, he says to her, "Just follow the instructions." The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home. As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does exactly what is specified: 1. Put nice satin sheets on your bed. 2. Take a nice warm bubble bath. 3. Splash on some nice perfume. 4. Slip into a sexy sheer nightie. 5. Light a set of candles by the bed. 6. Put on a CD with some very soft classical music playing quietly in the background. 7. Slip into bed and place the frog beside you. The frog will do what he has been trained to do. She quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise, nothing happens. The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point. She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says, "If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store and speak to the man that sold the frog to you". So the blonde calls the pet shop. The man says, "I'll be right over." Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell. The blonde welcomes him in and says, "I've done everything according to the instructions, and that damn frog just sits there." The man, looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares into its eyes and says very sternly: "Look ... I'm only going to show you how to do this one more time!" Looks like I found my next profession. Thanks M! |
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