Joke of the day

[A_ROOKIE]

Q Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

[Gen.Savahoe]

;D ;D

rookie said:

Q Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!

AMEN!!!!!!!!!!

[a Silly Person]

Little Melissa comes from Chance Cove Newfoundland and attends first grade. (that is how the story reads...)
After school she tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine's Day. "Since Valentine's Day is for a Christian saint, I was wondering if I gave a Valentine to someone who was not , will God get mad at me for giving them a Valentine?"

Melissa's father thinks a bit, then says "No, I don't think God would get mad. Who do you want to give a Valentine to?"

"Osama Bin Laden," she says.

"Why Osama Bin Laden," her father asks in shock.

"Well," she says, "I thought that if a little Newfoundland Christian Girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we're not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit. "And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he'd love everyone a lot. And then he'd start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them and how he didn't hate anyone anymore."

Her father's heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new-found pride.
"Melissa, that's the most wonderful thing I've ever heard."

"I know," Melissa says, "and once that gets him out in the open, our Canadian Soldiers can shoot that mother f***er."

[Death's Shadow]

LMAO

[BigDaddy]

Your gonna burn in HELL for that one Silly. LMAO

[I...Died...Again!!!]

I didnt know Canadian soldiers could fire a weapon.....Just kidding...lol

[Gen.Savahoe]

roflmao

[I...Died...Again!!!]

Thought for the DAY!

Handle every situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or hump it.
Piss on it and walk away.

[Gen.Savahoe]

Medical Terminology for the Redneck

1. ARTERY -- The study of fine paintings.
2. BARIUM -- What you do when CPR fails.
3. BENIGN -- What you are after you be 8.
4. CAESAREAN SECTION -- A district in Rome.
5. COLIC -- A sheep dog.
6. COMA -- A punctuation mark.
7. CONGENITAL -- Friendly.
8. DILATE -- To live longer.
9. FESTER -- Quicker.
10. G.I. SERIES -- Baseball game between teams of soldiers.
11. GRIPPE -- A suitcase.
12. HANGNAIL -- A coat hook.
13. MEDICAL STAFF -- A Doctor's cane.
14. MINOR OPERATION -- Coal digging.
15. MORBID -- A higher offer.
16. NODE -- Was aware of.
17. ORGANIC -- Church musician.
18. OUTPATIENT -- A person who has fainted.
19. POST-OPERATIVE -- A letter carrier.
20. PROTEIN -- In favor of young people.
21. SECRETION -- Hiding anything.
22. SEROLOGY -- Study of English knighthood.
23. TABLET -- A small table.
24. TUMOR -- An extra pair.
25. URINE -- Opposite of you're out.
26. VARICOSE VEINS -- Veins which are very close together.

[I...Died...Again!!!]

Bed sheets

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put. He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his (laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"

The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost."

Happy Halloween

[Gen.Savahoe]

Work
The population of this country is 237 million.

104 million are retired.

That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.

That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And you're sitting at your computer reading jokes...

[Gen.Savahoe]

Friends are like butt cheeks.

Crap might separate them,

But they always come back together.

[I...Died...Again!!!]

A bald man with a wooden leg gets invited to a Halloween party. He doesn't know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg so he writes to a costume company to explain his problem.

A few days later he received a parcel with the following note:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a pirate's outfit. The spotted
handkerchief will cover your bald head and with your wooden leg, you will be just right as a pirate.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

The man thinks this is terrible because they have emphasized his wooden leg, and so he writes a letter of complaint. A week goes by and he receives
another parcel and a note which says:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a monk's costume. The long robe will cover your wooden leg and with your bald head, you will really look the part.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

Now the man is really upset since the have gone from emphasizing his wooden leg to emphasizing his bald head, so again he writes the company another nasty letter of complaint. A few days later he gets a small parcel and
a note, which reads:
Dear Sir, Please find enclosed a bag of caramels and a bag of crushed nuts. Pour the molasses over your bald head, pat on the crushed nuts, stick your wooden leg up your ass and go as a caramel apple.
Very truly yours, Acme Costume Co.

[Marauder(CDN)]

The Halloween Kiss

A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices
that the VERY
handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why
he is staring.

He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to
offend you"

She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old
as I am
and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see
and hear
just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could
say or
ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that -
1) you have to be single and
2) you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and
Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a
hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts
crying.

"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm
married and
I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a
Halloween
party!"

[Lamron]

LOL That was so wrong!