Killer_Monkey
New Member
Even a creepy little undead Monkey can kill!!
Posts: 199
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Post by Killer_Monkey on May 6, 2008 18:07:09 GMT -5
LOL
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Post by YOUR_DADDY on May 7, 2008 14:53:57 GMT -5
Women's Love Poem  Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?' I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. Mens Love Poem ;D ;D ;D ;D I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and hunting. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit. |
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Post by vinsanity on May 7, 2008 15:49:46 GMT -5
LOL
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Death's Shadow
LPmember
I have become Death. The destroyer of worlds.
Posts: 3,184 
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Post by Death's Shadow on May 7, 2008 18:54:58 GMT -5
LOL so sad but true.
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a Silly Person
New Member
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Posts: 1,370
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Post by a Silly Person on May 8, 2008 0:47:35 GMT -5
LOL, that is a good one!
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Killer_Monkey
New Member
Even a creepy little undead Monkey can kill!!
Posts: 199
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Post by Killer_Monkey on May 8, 2008 19:06:08 GMT -5
HA HA that poem is sooooo true LOL
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RedRock
LPmember
Never ask what kind of computer a person uses--if it's a Mac, he'll say; if not, why embarrass him?
Posts: 4,972
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Post by RedRock on May 9, 2008 23:26:23 GMT -5
Saw a birthday card today, picture with Hillary on the front in the oval office and nameplate of "President Hillary Clinton."
Caption inside the card was "And you thought nothing could be scarier than getting a year older!"
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Killer_Monkey
New Member
Even a creepy little undead Monkey can kill!!
Posts: 199
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Post by Killer_Monkey on May 9, 2008 23:52:57 GMT -5
LOL!!
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Post by Lost_Child on May 10, 2008 23:00:56 GMT -5
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity.. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said,
"I am so sorry for your loss, and I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a
funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
"My wife's."
"What happened to her?"
The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
"Get in line."
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Death's Shadow
LPmember
I have become Death. The destroyer of worlds.
Posts: 3,184
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Post by Death's Shadow on May 11, 2008 0:41:22 GMT -5
LMAO
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Post by Urumii-Previously ThePresident on May 11, 2008 1:18:58 GMT -5
LOL!!!!
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Killer_Monkey
New Member
Even a creepy little undead Monkey can kill!!
Posts: 199
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Post by Killer_Monkey on May 11, 2008 11:16:00 GMT -5
ROFL!! that is so mean!!
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a Silly Person
New Member
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Posts: 1,370
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Post by a Silly Person on May 11, 2008 12:09:58 GMT -5
;D
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Post by YOUR_DADDY on May 21, 2008 15:47:43 GMT -5
The wife
The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and was somewhat upset -- "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"
And the husband replied "Hang on just a minute Love, so at least I can tell you what happened."
"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll ever say to me!!
And the husband began --
"Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she
was thin, poorly dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days ! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night - the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, But don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your Anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I went and found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas - the one that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at that expensive shoe boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same." The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to
the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, "Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"
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popeye
New Member
think ONCE,think TWICE,think-BIKE!
Posts: 684
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Post by popeye on May 22, 2008 13:53:06 GMT -5
A man was riding his Harley along a Californiabeach when suddenly the
Sky clouded above his head... In a booming voice, the Lord said,
'Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant
you one wish.'
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can
ride over anytime I want.'
The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to
reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would
take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it,
but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take
a little more time and think of something that could possibly help
mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'Lord, I
wish that I, and all men, could understand our wives; I want to know
how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent
treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's
wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy.'
The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes, or four, on that bridge?
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