Joke of the day

[A_ROOKIE]

A woman went to her doctor. The doctor, after an examination, sighed and
said, "I've some bad news. You have cancer, and you'd best put your
affairs in order.

The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the
waiting room where her daughter had been waiting. "Well daughter, we
women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't
go well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. Let's head to
the club and have a martini." After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were
feeling a little less somber.

There were some laughs and more martinis. They were eventually
approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to
what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were
drinking to her impending end. "I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The
friends gave the woman their condolences, and they had a couple of more
martinis.

After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered,
"Momma, I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told
your friends you were dying of AIDS. "The woman said,"I don't want any
of those ladies sleeping with your father after I'm gone."

[Death's Shadow]

LMAO rookie .. that is just so wrong its funny...

[BigDaddy]

Bubba Had Shingles

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had.

Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." The doctor asked, "Where?"

Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??"

[michiganmilitia]

[Death's Shadow]

lmao BD isnt that the truth ... always hurry up and wait at the doctors office

[BigDaddy]

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?" " No," he replied, "arthritis."

[RedRock]

So, all I want to know, is did the clueless delivery person pay his checkup bill, or not?

[Lost_Child]

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday
evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him.
The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special."
At that Statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought
another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.
The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, by check. "I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, a very teed-off jeweler phoned the old man. "There's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?"

[Death's Shadow]

LOL good one LC

[Urumii-Previously ThePresident]

Yeah I've seen some different variations with mink coats and such. Still gives me a laugh though

[A_ROOKIE]

I like that one Lost.

[BigDaddy]

A woman stopped by unannounced at her son's house. She knocked on the door then immediately walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law laying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"I'm waiting for Justin to come home from work" The daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"Justin loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours.

The mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said, "What's for dinner?"

[Death's Shadow]

Lmao BD

[RedRock]

LMbigAO.
Probably needs a shampooing and dye job, too!

[Marauder(CDN)]

A father put his 3-year-old daughter to bed, told her a story, and
listened to her prayers which she ended by saying:


'God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, and God bless Grandma and good-bye
Grandpa.'

The father asked, 'Why did you say good-bye grandpa?'
The little girl said, 'I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the
thing to do.'
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange
coincidence.
A few months later the father put the girl to bed and listened to her
prayers which went like this:

'God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma.'

The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father,
this kid is in contact with the other side!
Several weeks later when the girl was going to bed the dad heard her
say:

'God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.'

He practically went into shock.
He couldn't sleep all night and got up at the crack of dawn to go to
his office.He was nervous as a cat all day, had lunch sent in and watched the
clock.He figured if he could get by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of
the day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping at
every sound.
Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.
When he got home his wife said 'I've never seen you work so late,
what's the matter?'

He said 'I don't want to talk about it. I've just spent the worst day of my
life.'

She said, 'You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe what
happened to me.This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch.'