Joke of the day. Part 2

[YOUR_DADDY]

A man met a beautiful blonde lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'
He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 meter board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, 'That was incredible!'
He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths.
After seventy -five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.
He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'
'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Memphis but I worked both sides of the Mississippi.

[Lamron]

LOL !!!!

[Death's Shadow]

Good one

[YOUR_DADDY]

Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine. It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says, 'Pierre, kiss me!'
Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.
'What are you doing, Pierre ?' says the startled Marie.
'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!'
She smiles and they start kissing.
Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, 'Pierre, kiss me lower.'
Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts.
'Pierre! What are you doing now?' asks the bewildered Marie.
'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!'
She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude: and things really steam up.
Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, 'Pierre, kiss me much lower!'
Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap.
He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire.
Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine.
Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously, 'PIERRE , WHAT IN THE F#@k DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?'
Our 'hero' stands and says defiantly,

'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!'

[vinsanity]

LOL!!!!!

[Death's Shadow]

lmao now that is truly a good one.

[a Silly Person]

LMAO!

[RedRock]

Great pilot!

(not much of a ladies' man, though!)

[Durza]

maybe you guys read this before, If so, delete it. I found it on the 81st site. this is kinda long


If WW2 was REALLY fought online...


It may have been like this....

Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*

*Eisenhower has joined the game.*

*paTTon has joined the game.*

*Churchill has joined the game.*

*benny-tow has joined the game.*

*T0J0 has joined the game.*

*Roosevelt has joined the game.*

*Stalin has joined the game.*

*deGaulle has joined the game.*

Roosevelt: hey sup

T0J0: y0

Stalin: hi

Churchill: hi

Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!

paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks

T0J0: lol

Roosevelt: o this sucks i got a depression!

benny-tow: haha america sux

Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?

Hitler[AoE]: sure whatever

Stalin: cool

deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help

Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy

Roosevelt: i dont got crap to help, sry

Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me

Roosevelt: get antiair guns

Churchill: i cant afford them

benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?

paTTon: stfu

Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys

deGaulle: Eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick

Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army

paTTon: yah hurry the hell up

Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded

deGaulle: this is really weak u guys suck *deGaulle has left the game.*

Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?

benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?

benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?

Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO

T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u

Roosevelt: wtf! thats BS ! im gunna kick ur asses

T0J0: not without ur harbors u wont! lol

Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u

Hitler[AoE]: wtf

Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge &#^#% army

Hitler[AoE]: thats BS u hacker

Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler

Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!

T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard

Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path

Stalin: WTF u retard !! WE HAD A TRUCE

Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol

benny-tow: hah

benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1

T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full

Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help

Roosevelt: yah thats right biznitch im comin for ya

Stalin: church help me

Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here

Stalin: dont be an retard

Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late

Eisenhower: LOL

benny-tow: hahahh oh crap help

Hitler[AoE]: o man ur screwed !

paTTon: oh what now biotch

Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol

*benny-tow has been eliminated.*

benny-tow: lame

Roosevelt: gj paTTon

paTTon: thnx

Hitler[AoE]: WTF Eisenhower hax hes killing all my LEET Tanks n stuffs

Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record

Eisenhower: Nuts !

benny-tow: wtf that mean?

Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped

paTTon: coming to get u hitler u high-heels-wearing girlymanthing

Stalin: rofl

T0J0: HAHAHHAA

Hitler[AoE]: u guys are gay

Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city *Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*

benny-tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself

Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL

Stalin: OMG LMAO!

Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows *Hitler[AoE] has left the game*

paTTon: hahahhah

T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs

benny-tow: shut up noob

Roosevelt: haha wut a moron

paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?

Eisenhower: yah me too

T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol

Eisenhower: ......

paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie

Stalin: go to hell lol

paTTon: im goin afk

Eisenhower: yah this is gay

*Roosevelt has left the game.*

Hitler[AoE]: wtf?

Eisenhower: crap now we need some1 to join *tru_m4n has joined the game.*

tru_m4n: hi all

T0J0: hey

Stalin: sup

Churchill: hi

tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!

tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES

Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz

tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple

Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer sec

T0J0: wtf is nukes?

T0J0: HOLYCRAP OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!!ONEONE!!

*T0J0 has been eliminated.*

*The Allied team has won the game!*

Eisenhower: awesome!

Churchill: gg noobs no really

T0J0: thats BS U suck

*T0J0 has left the game.*

*Eisenhower has left the game.*

Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****

Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss

tru_m4n: l8r all

benny-tow: bye

Churchill: l8r

Stalin: u guys are ghay

tru_m4n: shut up commie lol

*tru_m4n has left the game.*

benny-tow: lololol u commie

Churchill: ROFL

Churchill: bye commie

*Churchill has left the game.*

*benny-tow has left the game.*

Stalin: i hate u all sissies

*Stalin has left the game.*

paTTon: lol no1 is left

paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep

*paTTon has been eliminated.*

paTTon: o [censored]!

*paTTon has left the game.*

[Death's Shadow]

LMAO

[vinsanity]

too funny

[popeye]

Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal; his mother
couldn't help but notice how lovely Peter's flat mate, Joanne, was.

She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only
made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started
to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flat mate than met the eye.

Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, 'I know what you must
be thinking, but I assure you, Joanne & I are just flat mates'.

About a week later, Joanne came to Peter saying, 'Ever since your mother
came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't
suppose she took it do you?

'Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure' said Peter.



So he sat down and wrote



DEAR MOTHER,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID' TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE.
I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DID NOT' TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT
REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER.

LOVE PETER



Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read



DEAR SON,

I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU 'DO' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, AND I'M NOT
SAYING THAT YOU 'DO NOT' SLEEP WITH JOANNE, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT
IF SHE WAS SLEEPING IN HER OWN BED, SHE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE F**KING FRYING PAN
BY NOW.

LOVE MUM

[YOUR_DADDY]

Now that was some funny s#@t pops.

by the way the nem toy is running fine I have put over 1000 miles on it in a month

[popeye]

been raining heavily here in uk (nothing new there then) done about 500 miles on the hog this YEAR! doh!...lets hope we get some dry-sunny weather soon...later dad.

[a Silly Person]

LOL.
Those were both great!