Lamron
Benevolent Dictator
Posts: 5,225
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Post by Lamron on Aug 8, 2008 1:18:25 GMT -5
A man boarded a plane with 6 kids. After they got settled in their seats
a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked,
"Are all of those kids yours?"
He replied, "No, I work for a condom company and these are customer complaints."
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Death's Shadow
LPmember
I have become Death. The destroyer of worlds.
Posts: 3,184 
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Post by Death's Shadow on Aug 8, 2008 9:44:13 GMT -5
LMAO
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a Silly Person
New Member
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Posts: 1,370
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Post by a Silly Person on Aug 9, 2008 1:30:28 GMT -5
LOL
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Major_A
LPmember
Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Housewares.
Posts: 1,378
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Post by Major_A on Aug 9, 2008 23:03:10 GMT -5
LMAO
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popeye
New Member
think ONCE,think TWICE,think-BIKE!
Posts: 684
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Post by popeye on Aug 10, 2008 12:46:00 GMT -5
DIVORCE VS. MURDER
A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, 'I would like to buy some cyanide.'
The pharmacist asked, 'Why in the world do you need cyanide?'
The lady replied, 'I need it to poison my husband.'
The pharmacist's eyes got big and he exclaimed, 'Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband. That's against the law! I'll lose my license! They'll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen.
Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!'
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, 'Well now, that's different. You didn't tell me you had a prescription
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a Silly Person
New Member
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Posts: 1,370
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Post by a Silly Person on Aug 10, 2008 14:40:02 GMT -5
LOL
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Post by Urumii-Previously ThePresident on Aug 11, 2008 6:21:03 GMT -5
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?”
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
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Post by Urumii-Previously ThePresident on Aug 11, 2008 6:24:16 GMT -5
Heres one for you Daffy!!
Why do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
---------------------------------------------------------------
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks
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a Silly Person
New Member
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Posts: 1,370
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Post by a Silly Person on Aug 11, 2008 9:38:59 GMT -5
I've seen a duck on fire before.
;D
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Post by Sgt_Blueberry on Aug 12, 2008 15:17:44 GMT -5
3 Kids Fishing Barak Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3
kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He
was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they
wanted.
The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disneyland '
Barak said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on my special Senator's airplane.'
The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air
Jordan 's shoes.'
Barak said, 'I'll get them for you and even
have Michael Jordan sign them!'
The third kid said, ' I want a motorized wheelchair with a
built in TV and stereo headset!'
Barak was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't
look like you're handicapped.'
The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved your
ass from drowning!'  ;D |
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Death's Shadow
LPmember
I have become Death. The destroyer of worlds.
Posts: 3,184
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Post by Death's Shadow on Aug 12, 2008 17:56:26 GMT -5
LMAO now that is a good one.
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a Silly Person
New Member
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Posts: 1,370
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Post by a Silly Person on Aug 12, 2008 22:25:43 GMT -5
Good one Blue. ;D
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Major_A
LPmember
Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Housewares.
Posts: 1,378
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Post by Major_A on Aug 12, 2008 22:42:31 GMT -5
lolol
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Lamron
Benevolent Dictator
Posts: 5,225
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Post by Lamron on Aug 14, 2008 9:18:46 GMT -5
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a Silly Person
New Member
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Posts: 1,370
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Post by a Silly Person on Aug 14, 2008 21:15:16 GMT -5
Aint it the truth! LOL
A Sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital and she timidly
asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient
is doing?"
The operator responded, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the patient's name
and room number?"
The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."
The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."
After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone, "Oh, good news.
Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal. And her physician, Dr.Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."
The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried!
God bless you for the good news."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter...?
The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells
me shit."
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;D