RedRock
LPmember
Never ask what kind of computer a person uses--if it's a Mac, he'll say; if not, why embarrass him?
Posts: 4,958
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Post by RedRock on Jul 1, 2009 14:43:05 GMT -5
Oh, Silly, that is SOOOO insensitive! You beast!
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Death's Shadow
LPmember
I have become Death. The destroyer of worlds.
Posts: 3,184 
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Post by Death's Shadow on Jul 1, 2009 16:28:49 GMT -5
But funny as hell.
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a Silly Person
New Member
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Posts: 1,370
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Post by a Silly Person on Jul 1, 2009 22:29:11 GMT -5
Oh, Silly, that is SOOOO insensitive! You beast! Yeah, your right Red. Maybe I should have used Micrsoft instead of Dell in the story.  |
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popeye
New Member
think ONCE,think TWICE,think-BIKE!
Posts: 683
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Post by popeye on Jul 7, 2009 16:00:07 GMT -5
1. When I was born, I was given a choice - A big dick or a good
memory.
I don't remember what I chose.
2. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom
factory.
3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.
4. Impotence: Nature's way of saying 'No hard feelings...'
5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men -
'don't' and 'stop', unless they are used together.
6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on
earth.
7. There are three stages of sex in a man's life: Tri Weekly, Try
Weekly, and Try Weakly.
8. Virginity can be cured.
9. Virginity is not dignity, its lack of opportunity.
10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good
partner,
you'd better have a good hand.
11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too
small.
12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
13. Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was
happy
with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing......
15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a mans life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn't.
16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
17. Despite the old saying, ' Don 't take your troubles to bed', many
men still sleep with their wives!!
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a Silly Person
New Member
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Posts: 1,370
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Post by a Silly Person on Jul 7, 2009 22:40:04 GMT -5
I resemble some of those!
Too funny!
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Major_A
LPmember
Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Housewares.
Posts: 1,378
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Post by Major_A on Jul 8, 2009 13:05:06 GMT -5
HAHAHAHA LMAO
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Major_A
LPmember
Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Housewares.
Posts: 1,378
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Post by Major_A on Aug 11, 2009 18:45:24 GMT -5
A couple of the guys I grew up with are always poking fun at each other because one became a police officer the other a fireman.
I got the latest today so I thought I'd copy into here from my mail hoping a couple of you guys might get a kick out of it too.
Police and Sheriffs Rules:
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan that you may have to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.'
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)
9. Use cover and concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.
Police/ Sheriff Sergeant Rules:
1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.
2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.
3. Curse bitterly.
4. Curse bitterly.
5. Do not listen to LTs; it can get you killed.
6. Curse bitterly
Police Detective Rules:
1. Look very cool in sunglasses.
2. Check hair in mirror.
Fire Department Rules:
1. Get Out of Bed.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner...
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Wonders ....'What is a gunfight?'
5. Request more funding from Council with a 'killer' Power Point presentation.
6. Receive funding, set up new command and buy unusable equipment.
7. Declare all equipment 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.
8. See what's on HBO
9. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner
10. Go to Bed.
God made Policemen so Firemen would have heros.
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Major_A
LPmember
Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Housewares.
Posts: 1,378
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Post by Major_A on Aug 21, 2009 18:43:33 GMT -5
Officer to Driver: Yes Sir, I understand you were just keeping up with traffic.
But as you passed me, I noticed you had something of a smile on your face. Indicating to me that things were going entirely too well for you as of late...
and well so.. here we are.
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Lamron
Benevolent Dictator
Posts: 5,194
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Post by Lamron on Aug 31, 2009 1:21:09 GMT -5
A man walked into a very high-tech bar. As he sat down on a stool he noticed that the bartender was a robot. The robot clicked to attention and asked, "Sir, what will you have?" The man thought a moment then replied, "A martini please.." The robot clicked a couple of times and mixed the best martini the man had ever had. The robot then asked, "Sir, what is your IQ?" The man answered "oh, about 164." The robot then proceeded to discuss the 'theory of relativity', 'inter-steller space travel', 'the latest medical break throughs', etc........ The man was most impressed. He left the bar but thought he would try a different tact. He returned and took a seat. Again the robot clicked and asked what he would have? "A martini please." Again it was superb. The robot again asked "what is your IQ, sir?" This time the man answered, "Oh about 100". So the robot started discussing NASCAR racing, the latest basketball scores, and what to expect the Dodgers to do this weekend. The guy had to try it one more time. So he left, returned and took a stool. Again a martini, and the question, "What is your IQ?"?? This time the man drawled out "Uh..... bout 50". The robot clicked then leaned close and very slowly asked, "A-r-e? Y-o-u-? P-e-o-p-l-e??? S-t-i-l-l H-a-p-p-y? W-i-t-h O-B-A-M-A?  ? |
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Death's Shadow
LPmember
I have become Death. The destroyer of worlds.
Posts: 3,184
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Post by Death's Shadow on Aug 31, 2009 16:10:00 GMT -5
lmao good one.
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a Silly Person
New Member
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Posts: 1,370
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Post by a Silly Person on Aug 31, 2009 17:59:18 GMT -5
Doh!
LOL
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Post by YOUR_DADDY on Sept 1, 2009 8:51:47 GMT -5
Women Are Are Just Pure Evil by Nature
A woman went up to the bar in a quiet rural pub... She gestured alluringly to the bartender who approached her immediately.
She seductively signaled that he should bring his face closer to hers. As he did, she gently caressed his full beard. 'Are you the manager?' she asked, softly, stroking his face with both hands.
'Actually, no,' he replied.
'Can you get him for me? I need to speak to him,' she said, running her hands beyond his beard and into his hair.
'I'm afraid I can't,' breathed the bartender. 'Is there anything I can do?'
'Yes. I need for you to give him a message,' she continued, running her forefinger across the bartender's lip and slyly popping a couple of her fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently.
'What should I tell him?' the bartender managed to say.
'Tell him,' she whispered, 'There's no toilet paper, hand soap, or paper towels in the ladies room.'
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Death's Shadow
LPmember
I have become Death. The destroyer of worlds.
Posts: 3,184
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Post by Death's Shadow on Sept 1, 2009 10:29:14 GMT -5
 ;D
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RedRock
LPmember
Never ask what kind of computer a person uses--if it's a Mac, he'll say; if not, why embarrass him?
Posts: 4,958
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Post by RedRock on Sept 1, 2009 12:46:07 GMT -5
Ohhhh, YD, I did NOT see that one coming! Good one!
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a Silly Person
New Member
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Posts: 1,370
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Post by a Silly Person on Sept 2, 2009 9:55:34 GMT -5
lol
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?
;D