Joke of the day. Part 3

[a Silly Person]

lol

[Major_A]

Feb 4, 2010 23:28:52 GMT -5 RedRock said:

Cute little critter, major! But you know you're warping him for life, right? LOL.

hahaha that maybe true...and as proof I'd like to submit pictures of Lamrons jetpack design.

The boy is using a gay looking dora the explorer backpack as a jetpack and it was driving me nuts looking at it, so I dressed it up with some upside down 2-liter bottles.

As long as he doesn't jump off the kitchen table I'm good, but
I think he can go a little faster now at any rate lol

[Major_A]

A new Army Captain was assigned to an outfit in a remote post in the Afghan desert. During his first inspection of the outfit, he noticed a camel hitched up behind the mess tent. He asked the Sergeant why the camel was kept there.

The nervous sergeant said, 'Sir, as you know, there are 250 men here on the post and no women. Sometimes the men have urges. That's why we have Molly The Camel. The Captain said, 'I can't say that I condone this, but I can understand about the 'urges', so the camel can stay..'

About a month later, the Captain starts having his own 'urges'. Crazed with passion, he asked the Sergeant to bring the camel to his tent. Putting a ladder behind the camel, the Captain stands on the ladder, pulls his pants down and has wild and insane sex with the camel. When he's done, he asked the Sergeant, 'Is that how the men do it?'
'No sir. They usually just ride the camel into town. That's where the women are.

[popeye]

18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption.

One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.'

The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.'

Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband responds, 'They're twins ! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.' LOL

[a Silly Person]

Well... yeah.

lol

[RedRock]

(groan!)

[popeye]

husband to wife; what would you do, if i won the lottary dear?.....i would have my half and leave you, you twat!!!was her reply...good he said....i won 12$ last night...heres 6$ now f**k off!....lol

[YOUR_DADDY]

LMAO ;D

[YOUR_DADDY]

Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained. The final
test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude,
in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and
they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she
danced in front of them would not be ordained because he
had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with
no reaction. She proceeded down the line with the same
response from all the priests until she got to the finalpriest,
Carlos.

Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so
loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and
laid to rest in nearby foliage.

Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the
bell came to rest. He bent over to pick it up ..............
and all the other bells started to ring.

[Major_A]

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

Bell should have been on a rope i guess

[RedRock]

Ooohhh Oohhhhh Oohhhhh
(Double Groan)
Ding A Ling A Ding A Ling!

[a Silly Person]

Oh yeah!

That was funny!

[Major_A]

A CRAIG'S LIST PERSONALS AD

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-05-27, 1:43 a.m. E.S.T..



I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend, threatening our lives... You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment; I didn't expect you to actually crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head ... isn't it?!

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse walking bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again]..

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as those of four other people in the gas station, -- on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ... after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what 's going on with that? Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target.

The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime.. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider, the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex



P.S. Remember this motto ... An armed society makes for a more civil society!

[Death's Shadow]

LMAO

[YOUR_DADDY]

SWEET TEA

> >
> A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.
>
> Doctor: "What happened?"
> Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do.
>
> Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."
>
> Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that.
> When your husband comes home drunk,
> just take a glass of sweet tea and start
> swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and
> swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."
>
> Two weeks later the woman comes
> back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
>
> Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea!
> Every time my husband came home drunk, I
> swished with sweet tea. I swished
> and swished, and he didn't touch me!"
>
> Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"