Lamron
Benevolent Dictator
Posts: 5,199
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Post by Lamron on Apr 28, 2010 18:03:13 GMT -5
Wow! LOL!!! ;D
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Post by YOUR_DADDY on Apr 30, 2010 11:54:07 GMT -5
It was announced today that Buckwheat, of Spanky and Our Gang fame, has converted to the Muslim faith...
...and changed his name to Kareem of Wheat.
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Death's Shadow
LPmember
I have become Death. The destroyer of worlds.
Posts: 3,184 
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Post by Death's Shadow on May 1, 2010 0:11:30 GMT -5
LMAO
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Major_A
LPmember
Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Housewares.
Posts: 1,378
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Post by Major_A on May 4, 2010 17:33:27 GMT -5
BWAAHAHAHAHAHA!! @ SWEET TEA ;D
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Post by YOUR_DADDY on May 13, 2010 14:36:48 GMT -5
One sunny day in January, 2013 an old man approached the White House from across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a park bench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay", and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Obama is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Obama."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking To speak to Mr. Obama. I've told you already that Mr. Obama is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?"
The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, Sir."
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Death's Shadow
LPmember
I have become Death. The destroyer of worlds.
Posts: 3,184
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Post by Death's Shadow on May 13, 2010 15:45:05 GMT -5
lol
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RedRock
LPmember
Never ask what kind of computer a person uses--if it's a Mac, he'll say; if not, why embarrass him?
Posts: 4,960
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Post by RedRock on May 13, 2010 16:31:21 GMT -5
Yeah, good one. That's the Hillary Clinton one, redone for Obamination.
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RedRock
LPmember
Never ask what kind of computer a person uses--if it's a Mac, he'll say; if not, why embarrass him?
Posts: 4,960
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Post by RedRock on May 15, 2010 20:17:53 GMT -5
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Post by YOUR_DADDY on May 15, 2010 21:33:20 GMT -5
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around
in Mexico. While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking
platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good, the smell
was wonderful. He asked the waiter, 'What is that you just served?'
The waiter replied, 'Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are called
Cojones de Toro, bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A
delicacy!' The cowboy said, 'What the heck, bring me an order.'
The waiter replied, 'I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day
because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early and
place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy.'
The next morning, the cowboy returned, placed his order, and that evening
was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites,
inspecting his platter, he called to the waiter and said, 'These are
delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve
yesterday.' The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, 'Si, Senor.
Sometimes the bull wins.
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popeye
New Member
think ONCE,think TWICE,think-BIKE!
Posts: 683
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Post by popeye on May 20, 2010 23:38:49 GMT -5
A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress..."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris , no more wintering in Barbados , no more summers in Tuscany , no more BMW in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.
That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replies...
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Death's Shadow
LPmember
I have become Death. The destroyer of worlds.
Posts: 3,184
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Post by Death's Shadow on May 21, 2010 15:11:49 GMT -5
LMAO
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Major_A
LPmember
Name's Ash. [cocks rifle] Housewares.
Posts: 1,378
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Post by Major_A on May 21, 2010 17:23:39 GMT -5
HAHAHAHA
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Post by YOUR_DADDY on Aug 4, 2010 10:19:51 GMT -5
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.   'What's the matter, dear?' she whispers as she steps in to the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night? The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'. She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up. The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly. Once again, the wife is touched to tears thinking that her husband is so caring and sensitive. 'Yes, I do' she replies. The husband pauses. The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?'  'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself in to a chair beside him. The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years?' 'I remember that, too' she replied softly. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said 'I would have gotten out today.' |
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Post by YOUR_DADDY on Aug 4, 2010 10:30:38 GMT -5
One day, while going to the store, I passed by a nursing home. On the front lawn were six old ladies lying naked on the grass. I thought this was a bit unusual, but continued on my way to the store. On my return trip, I passed the same nursing home with the same six old ladies lying naked on the lawn. This time my curiosity got the best of me, & I went inside to talk to the Nursing Home Administrator. 'Do you know there are six ladies lying naked on your Front lawn?' 'Yes,' she said. 'They're retired prostitutes, - they're having a yard sale.' ;D |
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Post by YOUR_DADDY on Aug 6, 2010 6:27:12 GMT -5
The Jumper...
@
Truck driver sees a girl about to jump off a bridge so he stops.
@"What are you doing?" he says.
@"I'm trying to commit a suicide," she says.
@"Well, before you jump, why don't you give me a blowjob."
@so, she does.
@after she's finished, the trucker says, "Wow! That's a wasted talent. Why are you committing a suicide?"
"My parents don't like me dressing up like a girl..."
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