Joke of the day

[A_ROOKIE]

NEVER SAY TO A COP

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee. Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed,have you been eating dough nuts?"

[a Silly Person]

;D

[beer]

Im adding this to this thread because i think its hilarious.

New England LOST! ;D

[popeye]

Friendship between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that
she had slept over at her girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10
best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had
slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10
best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two
claimed that he was still there.

[Death's Shadow]

LMAO

that would my crappy luck.

[a Silly Person]

Good one Pop!

[Lost_Child]

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag.

He sits down and places the bag on the counter.

The bartender walks up and asks what's in the bag.

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about 9" high and sets him on the counter.

He reaches back into the bag and pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well.

He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano.

The little man sits down at the piano, and starts playing a beautiful piece by Mozart!

"Where on earth did you get that?" says the bartender.

The man responds by reaching into the paper bag.

This time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bar tender and says: "Here. Rub it."

So the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there's a gust of smoke and a beautiful genie is standing before him.

"I will grant you one wish... just one wish... each person is only allowed one!"

The bartender gets real excited Without hesitating he says, "I want a million bucks!"

A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another.

Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks and they keep coming!

The bartender turns to the man and says, "Y'know, I think your genie's a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."

"No kidding!!" says the man, "Do you really think I asked for a 9 inch pianist?!

[a Silly Person]

LOL

[Death's Shadow]

another good one lol

[Lost_Child]

[a Silly Person]

That is pretty neat. The highlighter on her eye lids become the bags under the hag's. LOL

My Daddy Is A Dancer

One day last week, a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living.

All the typical answers came up: Fireman, Mechanic, Businessman, Salesman, Doctor........

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied,

'My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.'

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some math problems and then took little Justin aside to ask him, 'Is that really true about your father?'

'No,' the boy said, 'He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton elected as our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.'

[a Silly Person]

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.

He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.

The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over.
"Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000" the jeweler said.

The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "by check.

I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon," he said.

Monday morning, the jeweler phoned the old man.
"Sir, there's no money in that account."

"I know," said the old man,
"But let me tell you about my weekend."

[AIGAD]

I found my killer ride for the summer!

[vinsanity]

that is riduculous and unsafe

[daffy_duck]

oh my god, WTF, is that even legal?