RedRock
LPmember
Never ask what kind of computer a person uses--if it's a Mac, he'll say; if not, why embarrass him?
Posts: 4,972
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Post by RedRock on Dec 2, 2005 15:02:08 GMT -5
Old man and his woman to go Doctor's (sorry, this may not be new to some) for a checkup on the old man, who's having lots of heath problems. Doctor says, after examining him, "OK, We're gonna need a blood specimen, a urine specimen, and a stool specimen." "What?" the old man said, as progressive deafness was one of his problems. "He said," chimed in his woman, "he wants your undershorts."
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popeye
New Member
think ONCE,think TWICE,think-BIKE!
Posts: 684
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Post by popeye on Dec 4, 2005 1:57:28 GMT -5
there was a nude statue of a man and wowman ,that have stood opposite each other in a park for over a 100 yrs...one day an angel came down,and brings them to life! and as a reward for being so patient, they would get life for 30 minutes to do what they like!..so they ran off behind the shrubbery,and after 15 mins of giggling and rustling bushes they return out of breath!!the angel says "you still have 15 minutes left!"..the male statue asks the woman statue "would you like to do it again?"she says "yes,but lets change positions this time"........"you hold the pigeon down,and i,ll shit on his head"!!!!
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A_ROOKIE
New Member
When the pain of where you are becomes greater then the fear of where your going, you'll move.
Posts: 716
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Post by A_ROOKIE on Dec 4, 2005 11:05:42 GMT -5
The teacher asked the class "What part of you dou think goes to heaven first when you die?"
Billy said "I think its your hands because when you pray you put your hands together and is
what god sees first."
Julie said "I think its your head goes first because when you pray your on your knees and you
go straight up, so your head gets there first."
Little Johnny say "I think its your legs. The other day I walked into my parents room and mom legs were in the air and she said OH GOD I"M COMING."
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popeye
New Member
think ONCE,think TWICE,think-BIKE!
Posts: 684
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Post by popeye on Dec 9, 2005 14:41:50 GMT -5
my wifes had her gold/card stolen a while back....i,m not going to report it to the police...!whoevers got it, are spending less than she was!.....duh.. : )
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RedRock
LPmember
Never ask what kind of computer a person uses--if it's a Mac, he'll say; if not, why embarrass him?
Posts: 4,972
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Post by RedRock on Dec 9, 2005 16:42:39 GMT -5
"Take my wife----please!"
budda-dudda-barrooom-tisssshhhh.
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popeye
New Member
think ONCE,think TWICE,think-BIKE!
Posts: 684
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Post by popeye on Dec 12, 2005 1:46:14 GMT -5
went out yesterday (sunday) in the car....passing a field i noticed loads of chickens with 4 legs!.........thought to myself, i gotta go ask the farmer why! "how come you got hundreds if chickens with 4 legs?" well you know how everyone enjoys chicken legs...he said...we thought it would be a great idea to develop them!....."wow" i said................."and what do they taste like?" i don,t really know..said farmer..we havent caught one yet! lol : )
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RedRock
LPmember
Never ask what kind of computer a person uses--if it's a Mac, he'll say; if not, why embarrass him?
Posts: 4,972
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Post by RedRock on Dec 12, 2005 12:36:38 GMT -5
I know, I know!!!! They taste like.......CHICKEN! LOL!
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A_ROOKIE
New Member
When the pain of where you are becomes greater then the fear of where your going, you'll move.
Posts: 716
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Post by A_ROOKIE on Dec 13, 2005 20:23:19 GMT -5
My wife signed me up for a bridge club this weekend....
I jump this wednesday
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popeye
New Member
think ONCE,think TWICE,think-BIKE!
Posts: 684
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Post by popeye on Dec 16, 2005 1:12:16 GMT -5
i lent a mate of mine $50,000,,for facial plastic surgery.................thing is, i ca,nt get my money back now...,because i do,nt know what he looks like! doh!
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BAT*21{usa}
New Member
SORRY..ALL OUTTA MERCY!!
Posts: 1,101
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Post by BAT*21{usa} on Dec 16, 2005 7:57:06 GMT -5
[sigh!] LOL  |
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BigDaddy
New Member
1f y0u c4n r34d 7h15 y0u r3411y n33d 70 g37 l41d
Posts: 383
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Post by BigDaddy on Dec 17, 2005 10:42:06 GMT -5
Anybody know a good whine to along with all this Cheese.....LOL
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popeye
New Member
think ONCE,think TWICE,think-BIKE!
Posts: 684
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Post by popeye on Dec 22, 2005 13:26:43 GMT -5
just found out.....my grandad was in europe (ww2)when the first shot was fired!......................he was back in england when the second one went off! lol : ) yall have a great xmass and a cool yule.....pop
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popeye
New Member
think ONCE,think TWICE,think-BIKE!
Posts: 684
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Post by popeye on Jan 28, 2006 12:40:41 GMT -5
my grandad & me heard an enemy bomb coming in over london in world war 2.....quick grandad run for cover i shouted!...don,t worry son...he said..."so long as it has,nt got your name on it,you will be ok"...................i felt ever so sorry for mr.&mrs. doodlebug next door!.....lol.
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a Silly Person
New Member
Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Posts: 1,370
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Post by a Silly Person on Jan 28, 2006 13:27:32 GMT -5
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed.
Then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more.
She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.
Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said.
"Your finger is broken!"
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BAT*21{usa}
New Member
SORRY..ALL OUTTA MERCY!!
Posts: 1,101
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Post by BAT*21{usa} on Jan 28, 2006 14:10:08 GMT -5
a man goes on holiday 2 New York City and stops 4 a beer in 1 of the many skyscraper bars. there he meets a local that starts 2 tell him the history of the bar.when he points 2 a window & says" and that window there is really strange u can jump out it & u will come right back in it. it must b the the wind currents" the tourist didn't believe him so they walked over 2 the window & set their beers on the pool table.the local opens the window & jumps out & goes 40 ft. down & then right back in the window the tour st is amazed says "do that again" so the local jumps & goes 50 ft. & right back in . the tourist thought that was cool & says " let me try" he jumps. 50 ft-70ft and hits the sidewalk. the local closes the window picks up the 2 beers & goes back 2 the bar. the bartender is wiping off the bar & looks @ the man & says "u know what superman your a real jerk when your drinking"
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