Pulled Over

[Garp {eng}]

Once upon a time three Air Force Officers were walking through the woods and suddenly they were standing in front of a huge, wild river. But they desperately had to get to the other side. But how, with such a raging torrent? The first Officer knelt down and prayed to the Lord: Lord, please give me the strength to cross this river! "


The Lord gave him long arms and strong legs. Now he could swim across the river. It took him about two hours and he almost drowned several times. BUT: he was successful!

The second Officer, who observed this, prayed to the Lord and said: Lord, please give me the strength AND the necessary tools to cross this river!


The Lord gave him a tub and he managed to cross the river despite the fact that the tub almost capsized a couple of times.

The third Officer who observed all this knelt down and prayed: Lord, please give me the strength, the means and the intelligence to cross this river!


The Lord converted the Officer into a Sergeant. The Sergeant took a quick glance on the map, walked a few meters upstream and crossed the bridge.

[popeye]

as some of you will know,the inventor of the cross-word puzzle was an american called..arthur-wynne....in 1913....now,if you would like to visit his grave,go to the cemetry,and as you walk through the gates,his grave is; three down and four accross.....lol............ : )

[popeye]

told the wife...as a treat ..that i would by her a new dress......."what colour would you prefer"..i asked...just get one to match the colour of my eyes..came the reply..........now i,m wondering ....where the hell can i get a bloodshot dress from?................. pop : )

[BAT*21{usa}]

and now 4 something completely different !!

[popeye]

its very cold here in the uk at the moment.........anyway....me and my wife were watching tv the other night and i said to her.."put your hat&coat on" ooooh,are we going out?she replied...."no i said...i am..... and i,m turning the central heating off"!! he he........... (only trying to cheer us all up while waiting for summer.....) pop doh!

[BAT*21{usa}]

and now 4 something completely different !

[BAT*21{usa}]

LOL!!! ;D no i put that there like on MONTY PYTHON'S FLYING CIRCUS .John Cleese does between skits. LOL! thought u U.K. guys would catch it first LOL! it doesn't mean ur jokes weren't funny. lol

[popeye]

ok bat*...............i see if i can come up with a few more......i had a great bit of luck the other day....i won an airline ticket for a trip around the world!i rushed home and told the wife,,,,and she said......"ca,nt we go somewhere else!"......duh! : ) pop

[popeye]

sherlock holmes and doctor watson lying in a feild on a beautiful summers night....."i say watson,"open your eyes and tell me what do you deduce?""well holmes, i see a gorgeous star lit sky, and some of the best cosolations ever!".....tell me sherlock,...what do you deduce?.....well, said sherlock i think somebodys nicked the tent!,,,,,,,,

[popeye]

every night when me and the wife go to bed,she insists on turning the light off!....................nothing unusual about that..you might think!..but we live in a lighthouse!........

[popeye]

and remember.....never waste money on an adress-book......what you do is get a free telephone directory.....and cross out everyone you do,nt know! simple! : )

[BAT*21{usa}]

[Woody]

The doc told a man that touching oneself before sex
often helped men last longer during the act. The man
decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to
do it. He couldn't do it in his offi ce. He thought
about the restroom, but that was too open. He
considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe.
Finally, he realized his solution. On his way home,
he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway.
He got out and crawled underneath as if he was
examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants... He closed his eyes and thought
of his lover. As he grew closer to heaven, he felt a
quick tug at the bottom of his pants. Not wanting to
lose his mental fantasy, he kept his
eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What the hell are you
doing?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear
axle, it's busted."
The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too,
because your tru ck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

[Woody]

Ole is a farmer in Minnesota.

He is in need of a new milk cow and hears about a nice one for sale over in Nordakota (that would be 'North Dakota' for you non-Scandahoovians out there).

He drives to Nordakota, finds the farm and looks at the cow.

Ole reaches under to see if she gives milk. When he grabs the teat and pulls...the cow farts.

Ole is very surprised.

He looks at the farmer who is selling the cow, then reaches under the cow to try again.

He grabs another teat, pulls, and the cow farts again.

Milk does come out however, so after some discussion with the cow's current owner, Ole decides to buy the cow and take it home.

When he gets back to Minnesota, he calls over his neighbor, Sven, and says, "Hey, Sven, come and look at dis here new cow I yust bought. Pull her teat, and see vat happens."

Sven reaches under, pulls the teat - and the cow farts.

Sven looks at Ole and says, "You bought dis here cow in Nordakota, didn't yah?"

Ole is very surprised since he hadn't told Sven about his trip.

Ole replies, "Yah, dats right. But how did you know?"

Sven says, "My wife is from Nordakota."

[popeye]

he he he he