Joke of the day

[Death's Shadow]

lol

[a Silly Person]

That was good!

[Killer_Monkey]

LOL those were both really good!!

[popeye]

A Blonde goes to K-Mart to buy curtains. She said to the salesman, 'I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains.'

The salesman assures her that they have a large selection of pink curtains.

He shows her several patterns but the blonde seems to be having a hard time choosing.


Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.The salesman then asks what size curtains she needs.

The blonde promptly replies, 'Seventeen inches.'

'Seventeen inches ?' asked the salesman. 'That sounds very small, what room are they for?'

The blonde says, 'They aren't for a room, they are for my new computer monitor.'


The surprised salesman replies, 'But Miss, computers do not need curtains!!!!'




The blonde says, 'Hellllooooooooo . I've got Windoooooows.......!!!!!!'

[YOUR_DADDY]

Life in a Mental Hospital

In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a Patient
pretending he's driving a car with his hands at 10 and 2.
The nurse asks him,'Kevin! What are you doing?'

Kevin replied, 'Can't talk right now I'm driving to Chicago!'

The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room.

The next day the nurse enters Kevin's room just as he stopped driving his
imaginary car and she asks, 'Well Kevin, how you doing?'

Kevin says 'I'm exhausted. I just got into Chicago and I need some rest.'

That's great,' replied the nurse,'I'm glad you had a safe trip.'

The nurse leaves Kevin's room and then goes across the hall into another
patients' room and finds Ed sitting on his bed masturbating vigorously.
Very surprised she shouts, 'Ed what are you doing '

To which Ed replies, 'Shhh, I'm screwing Kevin's wife while he's in Chicago'.

[Killer_Monkey]

LOL wow

[Death's Shadow]

lmao

[popeye]

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down.

An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and then rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would
let out a 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding
hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station,
yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off.

'What did you do to get that Indian so excited?' asked the service-station
attendant.

'Nothing,' the woman answered. 'I merely sat behind him on the horse,
put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off.'

'Lady,' the attendant said, 'Indians don't use saddles.'

[Killer_Monkey]

wow LOL not too bright of a woman

[YOUR_DADDY]

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance" says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push" he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not. It is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says the wife. "Cant you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes" comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing" replied the drunk.

[vinsanity]

LOL!

[Death's Shadow]

LOL

[A_ROOKIE]

> > While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Texas rancher,
> > whose
> > hand was caught in a gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a
> > conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to Obama
> > and
> > his bid to be our President.
> >
> > The old rancher said, 'Well, ya know, Obama is a 'post turtle'.'
> >
> > Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a
> > 'post
> > turtle' was. The old rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country
> > road
> > and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a
> > 'post turtle'.'
> >
> > The old rancher saw a puzzled look on the doctor's face, so he
> > continued to explain.
> >
> > 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up
> > there, he doesn't know what to do while he is up there, and you just
> > wonder
> > what kind of a dumb a_ _ put him up there to begin with.'

[Killer_Monkey]

LOL with both of them

[Death's Shadow]

LMAO Rookie.